Second Chance Pharisee

2008-11-19T10:14:00.000-08:00

My name is…and I'm a Pharisee.

My biggest fear is that I won't "walk the walk." That, in turn, I will bring shame to God. So, I follow a system to solidify my salvation and bring him never-ending glory. Let me tell you about it:

I live in an environment set up to keep myself from teetering on the edge of sin. I live in a neighborhood far from drug-dealers, prostitutes, and gangs- so that I'm not tempted to buy drugs, have sex with strangers, or act violently. I can't tell you the relief that this brings me. Also, I don't want to be tempted by the beliefs of others- or have my faith questioned- so I don't talk to my neighbors. It's foolproof!. I make sure to teach my kids about race, because they've never seen a person of another color on our block, but they love being home-schooled, so it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Home schooling really is the only way to protect your children from learning about inappropriate things too early- things like sex, and cuss words, and evolution. I put family first.

Also, I can't be trusted to come to Church on my own on a weekly basis- no one's perfect- so my church motivates me by taking attendance; you know, like elementary school and jail. Luckily, my friends are also concerned for my eternal well-being. So, if I miss a week at Church they make sure to check on me. They let me know that they look forward to seeing me next week so that I know that they're not holding a grudge for my absence. They're such considerate friends.

As a Pharisee, I know that people need routine in order to thrive, so I'm lucky that my church service follows a format. After all, if I didn't know what to expect, would I go?

I want to be the best Christian that I can be, so I plan my "Good Christian Checklist" into my week:

-Pray in the morning, at night, and at mealtimes. I pray for myself in the mornings and for others at night (the order doesn't really matter as long as I remember everyone.)

-Pray for my family, my friends, my city, my country, the needs of the world (I pray for Columbia but I don't know where it is,) the poor, the widowed, the oppressed, and my needs.

-Praise God, and Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

-Ask for humility.

-Express thankfulness.

-Offer requests.

I don't get to bed until 1 am, but at least I've covered my bases.

I read my bible for at least 15 minutes a day. It's important to know the word of God. I've read my bible cover-to-cover 6 times (but I still don't know what Leviticus says.) I want to be ready to defend my faith in case anyone ever argues with the Bible. Oddly, this happens rarely due to the fact that everyone I know has also read his or her Bible cover-to-cover. Hmm. Like I said, at least I've covered my bases.

I was baptized as a child. I was baptized again as a young adult once I "understood what the choice meant." I backslid for a few years [years in which I was ostracized by everyone I loved. I thought temporarily about redefining my definition of "social support" but my friends were only concerned for my salvation- and theirs.] When I returned to the church I was baptized again. It takes hours for a few seconds in the water, but I want my name written in the big book at the heavenly gates. So, hey- at least I've got my bases covered!

I've heard that all of my money is truly the Lord's. I've also heard that God doesn't want my money without my heart. So I go with the church-recommended 10% tithe. If money is where the heart is, 10% should cover it.

I know that the church is God's body, so I make sure to volunteer my time and efforts at my place of worship. I've volunteered for MOPS, VBS, set-up, tear down, before service prayer, during service prayer, and after service prayer. I'm on the prayer team. I cook for hurting families, teach the junior-highers, usher, greet, decorate, bring snacks, and brew the coffee. I attend the Deacon's team meetings, attend the conferences, attend a bible study, and attend accountability meetings.
I'm exhausted.

I don't have time for my family, my job, my schooling, or my dreams. I'd love to go on missions but I can't get the time off of work. I have no friends that challenge my growth because they're all living the same life I am. I don't tell them my problems because they would only give me the same that answer that I would give them, so they don't tell me their problems either. Instead of burdening each other we smile on Sunday mornings. It's the polite thing to do.

I get angry when people assume all Christians are hypocrites. I may have had hypocritical moments in my life, but it's not always my fault. I try to tell people about the love of Jesus. I try to bring people into the heavenly kingdom. But when I talk about my life to people that aren't Christian they look at me like I'm speaking Greek.

I know more phrases for condemnation than salvation. I know too many abbreviations. Too many names for God. Too many phrases that meant something to someone at sometime but mean nothing to me now- like "sacrament of the lamb" (I'm pretty sure my kids are never going to join 4-H.)

I haven't felt the presence of God in my life in a while. I don't understand why I talk to God regularly but he never talks back. I feel like my friends don't know who I am and my doubts are sacrilegious. I feel like if anyone really knew me they would shun me. But I know that the Christian walk is not an easy one- that's what I've always been told- so in the meanwhile, at least I have my bases covered.

I've fallen into a lifestyle that makes me miss God more than I did before I knew he was missing. At least my salvation is secure and I'm bringing glory to God- right?

I'm an American Pharisee- are you?